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The Brave Mom – By Tori Ten Hagen

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This amazing wife, mom and writer happens to be my daughter. I just had to brag. It’s what a mama does. She originally posted this on her blog but gave me permission to share here as well.


I’m five months into this mom thing. Let me tell you, it’s a pretty terrifying gig and I’m not even to the “tough stuff.” Yeah, I’ve had a good amount of sleepless nights, tears, tantrums, an ear infection, a goopy eye and bouts with an upset tummy. But by “tough stuff” I’m talking the parenting issues that seem impossible, the weight of desiring to raise a godly kid that grows into a godly adult, seeing your child go through tough stuff with friends, struggling in school…that stuff. I know it’s coming and it scares me. I have wanted to be a mom my entire life. But as a little girl carrying around my baby doll I wasn’t thinking about anything but rocking, feeding bottles and singing lullabies.

The moment I held my son in my arms, the love was overwhelming. As a momma with complete love for her kiddo my instinct is to protect. My goal is to keep him out of harms way. But what about the times when the hard stuff become the lessons he needs to learn? What about the mom moments when I have to stop myself from jumping in the way of the hard stuff and I have to help him learn to be brave and power through stuff on his own.

How in the world do I do that?!?

Yesterday I tried something new.  I went to a MOPS group in our area and met with a few ladies from the church we have been attending. I put myself out there and met new people. I dropped Owen off for the first time with someone that wasn’t family. If you know me at all you know I completely shy away from new. I get super anxious about change, I freak out about the unknown. But I pushed through and did it.

See, the fear of the unknown for me usually seems pretty small and silly after its all over. And sure enough I enjoyed my time with other mommas, Owen did fine in the nursery area and was okay without me for a little while. Even when he did get upset the sweet ladies keeping him were so kind and rocked him and loved him until I could get to him. I got momma time and Owen was loved on. All my fears were unnecessary.


Anyway, I say all of this because the topic at the meeting this morning was about raising brave kids. It was such an encouraging topic for me and it got me thinking about how much Owen will watch me and his daddy as he learns how to be brave. Going to something I was anxious about this morning doesn’t really seem that brave but even those small things my son will see.

If I don’t ever try to face my fears, then Owen probably won’t either. If I never put myself out there and try something new how will Owen learn to do that? I will teach my son how to be brave by facing my own fears.

One of the things that really got my attention during our meeting today was this…

Being brave doesn’t mean that we aren’t scared, it means that our actions aren’t controlled by our fears.

I cannot allow my fears to control what I do and what I don’t do. My actions must be controlled by courage and bravery. Not only is that important for me to grow but also so that my son will see me being brave.

I want my boy to learn that he can face his fears and overcome. Sometimes it won’t be fun and sometimes it’ll hurt but he can do it. He will fall down but I never want him to stop trying or to stop giving up. I want to raise a brave kid and that lesson starts with me.

“Fairy tales are more than true – not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten.” – G.K. Chesterton, writer (adapted by Neil Gaiman in Coraline)

Today I will beat my dragons so that one day my son will have the courage to beat his.


About Andrea

Writer+Proofreader+Traveler+Foodie+Dreamer. Let's walk and work together.

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