This quote is written on the front of the journal from which this entry comes. Six days before my 44th birthday and I am asking myself just what is the life I imagine? Do I even imagine? I’m sure I do! There are times when I feel great discontentment and times when I’m filled with tremendous gratitude.
From my almost 44 years, what I know is this:
1. Investing emotionally in people is exhausting but it brings richness into my life.
2. Very few people reach out to me as far as initiating or maintain relationship, however, the few that do I treasure deeply and I feel it is of great importance to me to continue to reach out even if there is not reaching back. I’ll do this for a long time because I actually do care but then I will stop because apparently they really don’t.
3. The time I have spent investing in my children has been so precious and I wouldn’t change it, not even the hard times as they have lead to growth.
4. I am a people pleaser but have found great freedom in acting from my heart motives and then not taking personally or caring if they choose to act in a negative way. That’s their problem.
5. I have little tolerance for negativity if your glass is always empty you need to fill it up and quit dumping it out on everyone, no one and nothing is perfect, get over it.
6. The grass can be greener on the other side of the fence, but the green in my grass is mine to nurture, appreciate, and share.
7. Share! I love to share…. myself, my time, my knowledge, and my possessions.
8. I really like it when you share with me.
9. Flawed~ That’s how I describe myself, flawed.
10. There is no shame in being flawed the shame is in trying to cover it up.
11. My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in my life, it becomes more so every day.
12. I desire to be disciplined and consistent.
13. I love new ideas, things, projects.
14. The road to simplicity is long, slow and hard for me because I love new.
15. I tend to be able to read people well
16. I tend to be judgmental because I read people.
17. I self-protect and eventually will put up a wall that you will not get through
18. Taking time for myself is hard, I would much rather be serving you.
19. I know that in order to stay healthy I must have alone time.
20. I have the most amazing husband! Go ahead and be jealous.
21. Knowing, understanding and talking about ideas is much easier than applying them.
22. Babies are fascinating.
23. I can not spell and I’m terrible at grammar, but I love to write.
24. I’m drawn to a well made, cute pair of shoes and have a few too many in my closet.
25. I like things to be clean and organized, but my drawers, pantry, closets and fridge are messy.
26. I wonder what that says about me.
27. Home schooling my boys has been a joy and privilege I will treasure forever.
28. Kids can be trained and molded to a certain point then it’s best to allow them to be who they are.
29. There is no box that fits me, I refuse to get in.
30. I will vote based on my knowledge and how I feel. If you don’t like it then don’t vote that way.
31. Food! Food is very important to me, I love to prepare it and share it.
32. Good friends, family and conversation around a table of food is one of my favorite things.
33. A lot of people appear to be boring until you take the time to get to know them.
34. Most people ARE better than me. I love to be inspired by them.
35. Babies almost never sleep when you want them to.
36. Teenagers know everything so just ask them.
37. Kids have amazing ideas – take the time to listen.
38. Most of our problems are self-created. Making different decisions and changing self-talk is life changing.
39. Money DOES NOT buy happiness or contentment – that comes from within.
40. Everyone has an opinion I love to surround myself with differing opinions = self-growth.
41. The Bible is truth I stand on. If the idea or concept or opinion goes against Gods Word you have no chance of convincing me.
42. I am the biggest, ugliest sinner in the room, I do strive to be better.
43. A life focused on self is depressing.
44. As Thoreau says, living the life I’ve imagined can be good but only if my motives are pure.