Who are you?

{Vulnerability alert!! This topic… highly vulnerable. But I’m doing it anyway because I’m always up for the introspective challenge and I know others who are doing this as well so I know I’m not alone. (See the Friday Five Link Up below)}

Andrea, who are you? I’ve been on a journey over these last several months asking myself that very question. Over and over and over again. I went from being my parent’s daughter straight to being my husband’s wife to my kid’s mom. And for so many years I’ve been all three at the same time. I’ve never really taken much time (any time) to figure out who Andrea is. Just Andrea. The Andrea that is Andrea and nothing else.

Ultimately I know who I am in Christ or at least who He tells me I am – I still struggle with that some days. But in my day to day life, in my digging into the soul of who Andrea is, below are a five qualities/characteristics/adjectives that have risen to the top. Of course, there are more than five. I am a female after all. We come with LOTS of adjectives!

Andrea, you are…

An Introvert. I used to think this was a curse. But it’s neither a blessing nor a curse. It’s simply (although not so simply) who I am. I am comfortable alone. I am mostly comfortable in groups of 2 or 3. I am NOT in any way comfortable in large groups. Large groups make my stomach hurt. I can do large groups in small doses only if I know it will be followed by large doses of decompression time.

Emotional. My sister tells me I feel deeply. I care deeply. I love deeply. I grieve deeply. Sometimes I’m better at hiding this quality than other times but if I stuff my deep down too deep for too long I will eventually explode. Pity the person who catches the fallout. It typically doesn’t end well. I don’t want to ever invalidate my feelings or emotions but in my older and wiser years, I am learning that emotions are not bad, I just need to control them and not let them control me. I’m such a work in progress.

Skeptical. I am a questioner. I am a cynic by nature, not something I’m proud of and I fight that quality hard. It’s exhausting. I don’t trust you. Well, maybe not you specifically but hey, if the shoe fits… 🙂 Somewhere along the way I learned that trusting people with myself, my body, my emotions, my heart, my soul, was too great of a risk. I’m sure the element of fear is at play here. I buy into the lies that fear tells me way too often. This quality has not served me well. Perhaps it has protected me at times but it has also kept me from living. I don’t like the part of living that comes with pain but I’m coming to like the living part better, even with the pain. I’m working on this. I’m working on not being skeptical, cynical, not trusting you. I know a lot of that is my issue. Some of it might be yours but I can’t help that part. 🙂

Caring. Oh, how I care. So deeply. Another friend once told me that I needed a t-shirt that said, “I care, why don’t you?” I care so much about so much. Apathy is not in my DNA. A former pastor of ours and a wonderful man used to tell us, “See the need, feel the need, meet the need.” I see, I feel and I want to to fix it. It’s so hard on me when I can’t. I just wrote about that a couple of days ago. I Can’t Fix It: When Band-Aids, Hugs and a Pot Roast Won’t Do

A 100%’er. This could be called “intense” or “passionate”. I have a hard time letting go and relaxing. I feel like I’m always “on”. I need an off button! Or maybe a dial that just turns me down to the “chill” setting. This “all or nothing” quality happens to be one of my main weaknesses and greatest strengths. I will fight to the death to make something work or to make something better. I may not always (ok, rarely) fight right but I fight hard. The good side of this quality is that I’m loyal, sometimes to a fault. The downside to this quality is that when I shut down, the bridge is lifted, moat is stocked and the fortress secured until further notice. And that may be a while.

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, for one, it’s the Friday Five writing prompt 🙂 but also because it’s a part of the story of me and my journey lately as someone who has gone through ridiculously hard transitions and been forced to do a lot of soul-searching. I am also nearing the empty nest stage of life and need to find out who I’m going to be when I grow up. I wish I could be like those who are okay with themselves and say “You get what you get!” But I’m not. I’m constantly trying to become better. I’m constantly editing myself hoping that one day, the polished final draft will show up at my doorstep.

These days, I’m taking a good long look at who I am and deciding if I like who I see. I’m trying to change what I need to and embrace the things that I can’t. So today, you get what you get but tomorrow I hope to be better.

Enough about me… Who are you? What adjectives describe you?

~Andrea

P.S. This is an enlightening twist on the Briggs/Meyers personality test. Maybe it will help you find who you are. http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

These 5 adjectives About You are brought to you by Mrs. Disciple’s Friday Five Link Up. I am linking up with my good friend, Kelly, at Mrs. Disciple and a few other friends here, The Me I Want to Be and the Me I Am. Go check them out and leave some comment love. Let’s get to know each other!