We all have a mom. This is a simple fact of life. We may call her mother, birth mom, mama, or mommy but we all came from a woman’s womb. No matter our age or situation, I believe every kid longs to have a mother that makes them feel loved and special. Kids don’t need perfection. I don’t even think kids expect perfection. We might catch ourselves saying, “I wish my mom was…” or “I wish my mom would…” Or we might catch ourselves saying, “I’m so glad my mom was…” or I’m so thankful my mom did…”. Sometimes we realize this by having the mom of our dreams and sometimes we realize this by having a mom who isn’t the mom of our dreams. Regardless, we all have moms and there is something to be grateful for, even if it’s simply our heartbeat. Each life has a purpose. We should rejoice in the healthy relationships we have with our moms and give ourselves permission to grieve the relationships we might wish we had.
What you’re about to read is not the end all be all of what a mom should be. If I wrote that it would take the whole internet. This is not a complete wish list. I’m sure there are others that could be added. This post is not intended to make any mom feel “less than” or insecure in their role as a mom. Consider this a conversation starter. Have the conversation with your kids or with yourself. What do they wish for? What do you wish for? Perhaps these five things might make your list too.
- Be the kind of mom who takes care of herself.
Motherhood is a tricky balance of self-care and unconditional love. Too much self-care and we become selfish. Too much unconditional love and we can lose ourselves and smother our kids. I think there can be a balance but it takes work. Anyone who even halfway does the mom thing knows there’s no room for lazy here. Every kid wishes for the kind of mom who takes good care of herself. If she takes care of herself they will be able to trust that she will take care of them.
- Be the kind of mom who loves well.
Moms can come in a variety of shapes, colors and sizes but a mom’s heart should be big and bold. Loving well is also engulfed in variables. For a mom to love well, she is forced to be creative as she learns how to love each child differently – and it is a learning process. I believe that every kid wishes for a mom to have the kind of love that packs a punch. Not literally, of course. Every kid needs the freedom to learn some lessons on their own, maybe even the hard way, but they also need to know that their mama bear will jump in the ring, gloves on and arms positioned for defense. Those same fierce fighting arms should be ready to double as tender holding arms. A mom’s love should be the kind of love that a kid never has to question. She may not love well every single time but she always wants to and she always tries.
- Be the kind of mom who is supportive.
I believe that every kid wishes that their mom would be supportive. I mean, why wouldn’t we kids want our moms to support us and cheer us on? Perhaps the bigger question is why wouldn’t a mom be supportive? But I’ve seen it first hand. Moms should be their kid’s biggest cheerleaders. It should be a mom’s gut response to be their child’s biggest fan. There’s a difference in getting a participation award and actually winning a trophy. There’s a difference between being a supportive mom and doling out accolades on free flow that offers false hope. Every kid on the planet should be able to look around and find their mom in their corner even when no one else is or at least know she’d rather be there than anywhere else.
- Be the kind of mom who is a mom.
There are a multitude of facets to being a mom. I feel like a mom needs to parent in such a way that sets her kids up for a successful future. There are many ways to go about this desired result and while a mom can and should have fun with her kids, she should not be their friend, buddy or pal. Kids need a strong foundation to be established. Structure. Boundaries. A mom with a backbone is simply not going to make a good friend. While friendship with our kids can be a good thing, it is the blessing that comes later in life when we are no longer responsible for disciplining and raising them. This is not to say that a mom with a backbone can’t have fun with her kids, it just shouldn’t take the front seat to solid parenting. Every kid wishes that their mom would be their mom.
- Be the kind of mom who shares her story.
Finally, for this post anyway, I think that every kid wishes that their mom would share her story with them. Depending on the story, the timing and age appropriateness should be considered, but I believe that sharing our stories with our kids can enhance the relationship. In sharing our stories with our kids, it could encourage them along in theirs. They could avoid some of the mistakes we made and possibly repeat some of our successes. Sharing our stories with our kids makes a mom reachable… it makes her real… it makes her human. If a mom is hiding her story, her kid may assume she’s hiding her heart. What a tragedy for a mom to hide her heart and story from her children. Everyone misses out when this happens. Stories are meant to be shared.
Honestly, I don’t think these five things are too much to ask of a mom. I also don’t think that, as a mom myself, it’s too much to ask of myself. I don’t always pass muster but I want to and I try. Maybe motherhood is more about wanting to and trying. Maybe it’s in our trying that God’s meets us with His grace to cover the rest. From my own experience, I am inclined to think this is true. Don’t think that God’s grace gets us off the hook, though. We have to step up to the plate and do our part.
No matter what is on your wish list as a kid or what’s on your kid’s wish list, we moms should be intentional about being a mom. We should parent on purpose and with a purpose. What is your purpose? If you don’t have one and you’re just wingin’ it, consider coming up with a mission statement. Have a plan. A mission statement for parenting can be such a great filter to sift through the daily and the big decisions we are faced with making as we raise our kids. I’ve often said that being a mom is not for wimps but it’s also one of my most favorite things to be. I want to be the kind of mom my kids wish for but ultimately I want to be the kind of mom God wishes for.
What’s on your wish list? What’s on your kid’s wish list? If you don’t know, consider asking them. Let’s have a conversation here. Share your thoughts here in the comment section or over on the EPFH Facebook page if that’s easier for you.
This #FridayFive is brought to you by Mrs. Disciple’s Friday Five Link Up over at Mrs. Disciple . The prompt this week was “For Mom”. Go check out Kelly’s motivational post, Mother’s Day Encouragement for All Kinds of Moms, and visit a few others who have linked up. Be sure to leave some comments. Bloggers love feedback! We write what we want to say but we also love to read what you want to say.