I’ve compiled a listing of trusted resources and information from my personal betrayal trauma healing journey. This is not an exhaustive list by any stretch. I wanted to include a few things mainly for a wife who is at the beginning or early stages of her path to healing. These are all things I needed early on as well as a few newer options that I wish I would have found sooner. A couple of the resources I share have “sexual addiction” in the title or description. While addiction may not be the case in every husband’s story, I found the information in these resources to be beneficial in my healing journey.
Questions to ask yourself:
What do I know?
What do I need to know?
What is the truth?
What do I like?
What do I need?
What do I want?
What do I hope for?
What can I release?
“He is before all things; in Him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17
“(She’s) the one I chose, and I couldn’t be more pleased with (her).” Isaiah 42:1-9 MSG
“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
YouVersion Reading Plans:
The Betrayed Wife: 6 days of Healing
Boundaries for Your Soul
Psalm 91, God’s Umbrella of Protection 21-day Devotional
How’s Your Soul, Judah Smith: 5-Day Reading Plan
Two Roads: Please God … Or Trust God (Trueface)
Shattered Vows, Debra Laaser
Codependent No More, Melody Beattie
Try Softer, Aundi Kolber
The Dream of You, Jo Saxton
Boundaries in Marriage, Henry Cloud & John Townsend
Necessary Endings, Henry Cloud
Intimate Deception: Healing the Wounds of Sexual Betrayal, Dr. Sheri Keffer
Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, Barbara Steffens
Betrayal Trauma-Informed Coaching:
MJ Denis, Betrayal/Infidelity Trauma (there are 2 parts)
Online Care Groups for Wives
Licia Skye (calming: mind/body gentle connection)
Karla Maclaren, Emotional Grounding/Boundaries
Begin the Battle on Your Knees, Priscilla Shirer
River, Josh Groban
“You can never tell to what untold glories a little humble path may lead if you follow far enough.” ~Lilias Trotter
“Thoughts disentangle themselves when they pass through the lips and the fingertips.” ~Dawson Trotman
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” ~C.S. Lewis
“You did everything to bury me, but you forgot that I was a seed.” ~Dinos Christianopoulos
“It is no bad thing to be lost in a fog or at sea. When land comes into view again, you will appreciate it with a keenness that is denied to those who know nothing but the safety of the shore.” Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife
“Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”
Rainer Maria Rilke – Letters to a Young Poet
Blog posts for the journey:
For research as you seek further healing:
Self-Compassion (Mindful Self-Compassion)
Window of Tolerance (Emotional Hyperarousal/Emotional Hypoarousal)
If you found this information helpful, please share it with someone else whose heart is hurting and in need of a “me, too”. Many betrayed wives cannot be open with their story for various and understandable reasons. I’m incredibly sad infidelity is a part of my story, but I am grateful that I can share what I’ve learned and sort of be on the frontlines for us all.
You are not alone!