One of the best things I’ve done in seasons of healing is to follow the path. If healing is my goal, which it is, I don’t want to leave any stone unturned. If it’s going to be painful, which it will be, I want to do everything in my power to learn what I need to learn in an effort to keep history from repeating itself.
During an online support group meeting I was attending, I had some issues bubble up that began to refuse the gag order they’ve been accustomed to for so long. I muted my microphone and turned off my video. I was crumbling fast. I listened in for the rest of the meeting which thankfully was only about 10 more minutes. Finger poised on the mouse to click the “leave group” button. To make it through, I practiced my labor breathing even though it’d been 19+ years since I’d used it for its intended purpose.
When the meeting was over and with the lightning-quick click of my mouse, I signed out and the dam broke. I cried out to God, the universe, my computer screen, anyone who could hear me. With fists clenched and years of stored up tears flowing, I repeatedly said, “I’M NOT SORRY. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!”
Yes, you read that correctly. “When your love is sick.” Not when you’re lovesick. What does “lovesick” even mean anyway? I digress… I’m joining in again on a Friday Five link up with Mrs. Disciple. Our writing prompt today was “Five Ways to Express Love”. I know I’m not the only one who has trouble loving well when the marriage isn’t going so well. Sacrificial love, they say. Sacrificial love sounds doable when things are going great but putting it into practice when times are tough doesn’t prove easy.
Would you believe that I’m almost half a century old and have only recently discovered that I’m a people pleaser? I mentioned this revelation to a few people I’m close to and they quickly said, “Well I could have told you that!!”. My response was, “Gee! Thanks for clueing me in!” haha!
Empty Plate . Full Heart 