It was 2:30 A.M. and I awoke with an urgency in my spirit like never before. I needed to pray for my son. Our son Caleb was in Indonesia at the time so I laid in bed and prayed. “Lord please be with him.” I thought I could go back to sleep but there was no way. My soul was restless with urgency and I began to cry, and cry out to our mighty God for his safety, his health, over and over again. It was a good 45 minutes to an hour before I had peace and could go back to bed.
Nesting the new season of the empty nest… you read that right. It came to me recently that this is exactly what I am doing. Going a bit crazy really trying to organize and prepare to re-enter the workforce. After being home with my boys and homeschooling them for the last 15 years it is all about to change.
CHANGE, I have a love/hate relationship with change. Honestly, I get bored and welcome change, but I prefer it be on my terms and never too big of a change if I were to have it my way. Read the rest of this entry
I have been on an eight-year journey of trying to simplify my life, my belongings, my relationships, my calendar, my whole person. Just reading that list reminds me that there is nothing simple about simplifying. At least for me, it is not simple.
As I sat watching the movie War Room with a girlfriend this weekend, I was stirred. My soul longs for a deeper, more passionate prayer life. I found that I was becoming distracted by THE ROOM. The prayer closet. “How cool is that”, I thought. I have been privileged to know women for years that have a prayer room or prayer closet but it never really stirred my soul to make my own prayer closet until I saw this movie.
This quote is written on the front of the journal from which this entry comes. Six days before my 44th birthday and I am asking myself just what is the life I imagine? Do I even imagine? I’m sure I do! There are times when I feel great discontentment and times when I’m filled with tremendous gratitude.
From my almost 44 years, what I know is this:
1. Investing emotionally in people is exhausting but it brings richness into my life.
2. Very few people reach out to me as far as initiating or maintain relationship, however, the few that do I treasure deeply and I feel it is of great importance to me to continue to reach out even if there is not reaching back. I’ll do this for a long time because I actually do care but then I will stop because apparently they really don’t.
3. The time I have spent investing in my children has been so precious and I wouldn’t change it, not even the hard times as they have lead to growth.
4. I am a people pleaser but have found great freedom in acting from my heart motives and then not taking personally or caring if they choose to act in a negative way. That’s their problem.
5. I have little tolerance for negativity if your glass is always empty you need to fill it up and quit dumping it out on everyone, no one and nothing is perfect, get over it.
6. The grass can be greener on the other side of the fence, but the green in my grass is mine to nurture, appreciate, and share.
7. Share! I love to share…. myself, my time, my knowledge, and my possessions.
8. I really like it when you share with me.
9. Flawed~ That’s how I describe myself, flawed.
10. There is no shame in being flawed the shame is in trying to cover it up.
11. My relationship with Jesus is the most important thing in my life, it becomes more so every day.
12. I desire to be disciplined and consistent.
13. I love new ideas, things, projects.
14. The road to simplicity is long, slow and hard for me because I love new.
15. I tend to be able to read people well
16. I tend to be judgmental because I read people.
17. I self-protect and eventually will put up a wall that you will not get through
18. Taking time for myself is hard, I would much rather be serving you.
19. I know that in order to stay healthy I must have alone time.
20. I have the most amazing husband! Go ahead and be jealous.
21. Knowing, understanding and talking about ideas is much easier than applying them.
22. Babies are fascinating.
23. I can not spell and I’m terrible at grammar, but I love to write.
24. I’m drawn to a well made, cute pair of shoes and have a few too many in my closet.
25. I like things to be clean and organized, but my drawers, pantry, closets and fridge are messy.
26. I wonder what that says about me.
27. Home schooling my boys has been a joy and privilege I will treasure forever.
28. Kids can be trained and molded to a certain point then it’s best to allow them to be who they are.
29. There is no box that fits me, I refuse to get in.
30. I will vote based on my knowledge and how I feel. If you don’t like it then don’t vote that way.
31. Food! Food is very important to me, I love to prepare it and share it.
32. Good friends, family and conversation around a table of food is one of my favorite things.
33. A lot of people appear to be boring until you take the time to get to know them.
34. Most people ARE better than me. I love to be inspired by them.
35. Babies almost never sleep when you want them to.
36. Teenagers know everything so just ask them.
37. Kids have amazing ideas – take the time to listen.
38. Most of our problems are self-created. Making different decisions and changing self-talk is life changing.
39. Money DOES NOT buy happiness or contentment – that comes from within.
40. Everyone has an opinion I love to surround myself with differing opinions = self-growth.
41. The Bible is truth I stand on. If the idea or concept or opinion goes against Gods Word you have no chance of convincing me.
42. I am the biggest, ugliest sinner in the room, I do strive to be better.
43. A life focused on self is depressing.
44. As Thoreau says, living the life I’ve imagined can be good but only if my motives are pure.
May is National Foster Care Awareness Month
It was a cold January evening when the call came. An eight-month-old little girl needed shelter and she needed it now. She needed a home – a place of safety and security, a family. When our Little Miss came to us she had just lost everything she had known in her short eight months of life. Everything. The concept of that brought me to tears, she’s so little and so lost. As we took her out of the car seat she arrived in Little Miss looked at us, but not really. It was as if she was lost somewhere in her own body, the eyes told the story. The eyes were so empty, alone, and afraid. I said a quick prayer, “Oh Lord, how are we going to give her what she needs? Please show us, please comfort her, please give us the grace and wisdom needed to give this child, YOUR child, the care and love that will help her heal and help her grow.” As she took the first bottle while being snuggled and rocked we were saddened by how fast she drank and then she slept, for almost 48 hours she slept. We woke her every three hours those first two days to feed, change and snuggle her. She needed a schedule, a very predictable schedule.
As time went on, Little Miss truly became part of our family and God did give us insight on what she needed. What did we need? Patience, prayer, love and coffee, lots of coffee, that’s what we needed. What did she need? Love, love, love, predictability and love, that’s what she needed. Little Miss was healing, each day and each week we saw it, the eyes told the story. She became engaged in her surroundings, started babbling and crying, really crying, letting us know that she had needs. Oh, the joy we felt as she was feeling comfortable and trusting that if she made a need known, it was going to be met. When word came that our Little Miss was going to be adopted we were nervous, to be honest, we had taken her in like she was ours, and she was. How can we trust that someone was going to know how to meet her needs? The day we took her to meet her new parents will forever be a sweet memory. It was so obvious that they were perfect for her. We saw the love as they looked at her. The eyes told the story. The eyes that said, “You are ours”. We have been privileged to continue to be a part of Little Miss and her story. The adoption is now final and in just a few weeks we will go to her home with her mommy and daddy and celebrate her two-year birthday. The eyes tell the story and her eyes are glowing with joy and wonder of what life holds for her.
~Randi
Being busy is a choice. I will always remember the day I learned that lesson!
Before I tell this story THANK YOU to all our amazing friends that carried us through the storm. It was s time that we had things on our calendar every day. We had two YOUNG adorable boys. We were home schooling, on ministry teams, my husband was a church Elder and we had lots of people into our home each week.
On this particular day my boys were performing in a home school talent show to bless seniors and I was providing a home cooked dinner for the church elder board. Let’s just say that this mama was trying to do waaaaaay too much. I was precooking chicken for the dinner prior to the talent show that morning. In the hurry of prepping two children for their solos and trying to get out the door on time I forgot to turn off the stove….. Yeah, it was bad.
Two and a half hours later I returned home to a house FILLED with smoke. All TEN chicken breasts that were poaching had charred Into smoky nothingness. The Fire Chief was amazed that our house didn’t explode. Our family lived in a hotel for the next 40 days while our home was emptied and cleaned by professionals. I would have never made it through without our amazing friends and church, as you can imagine living in a hotel room with a 6 and 4 year old is not easy.
Why am I telling you all of this?? Because remember that FULL calendar? It instantly cleared as we focused on what we needed to do to survive and since then I am diligent to make sure things do not get too crazy around here. It’s just not worth it. Everything we were busy with were GOOD things but in the end disaster struck. Enjoy the article….
~Randi
When one gives and gives and gives to those around them it can be exhausting. I’m seriously running on empty, my cup has overflowed to the point of not even having condensation left to pour out. I will continue however because Jesus himself said, he did not come to be served but to serve.
When was the last time you were blessed by someone? When was the last time you gave to someone outside of your family circle?
I was reading scripture today from the sermon at church on Sunday. I journaled Isaiah 58:10 in my journaling bible, see photo, and it has given me a little condensation back into my cup, here is what it says…… “if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday.” My gloom will turn to sunshine.
I know I always feel better serving others and not focusing on myself, I’m just a bit worn out is all. Just thought I’d share.
May you be encouraged.
~Randi
Empty Plate . Full Heart 