During an online support group meeting I was attending, I had some issues bubble up that began to refuse the gag order they’ve been accustomed to for so long. I muted my microphone and turned off my video. I was crumbling fast. I listened in for the rest of the meeting which thankfully was only about 10 more minutes. Finger poised on the mouse to click the “leave group” button. To make it through, I practiced my labor breathing even though it’d been 19+ years since I’d used it for its intended purpose.
When the meeting was over and with the lightning-quick click of my mouse, I signed out and the dam broke. I cried out to God, the universe, my computer screen, anyone who could hear me. With fists clenched and years of stored up tears flowing, I repeatedly said, “I’M NOT SORRY. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!”