31 years ago today, on the day I got married, I was 21. There was a lot I didn’t know. A lot! I look back now and can see just how utterly clueless my 21-year-old self was about life, love, and marriage. I’ve heard it said that love is blind and that perhaps it’s good that it is for no one would ever marry.
Tag Archives: healing
I want to share my nail-biting story with you. No, I NEED to share my nail-biting story with you. I know I’m not the only one out there who has felt the shame of having a bad habit that they just could not get a handle on no matter how hard they tried. I hope this story encourages you!
COURAGE is a much-needed quality of spirit for all of us as we face the challenges along the way on our journeys.
The very first thing God asked me to do soon after I was saved that required GREAT COURAGE was for me to go to my alcoholic and abusive father and ask for forgiveness for my responses to his actions. Whoa…I had only been a Christian for a short time when the Holy Spirit encountered me, asking me to go and ask his forgiveness. Looking back I can see that I would have gone no further without this being taken care of. God knew. So I obeyed. It was NOT easy.
This is more of a stream of consciousness post. Obviously, my consciousness lacks brevity. I have been keeping this list of things I’ve been learning over these last nine months while in recovery from well, my life. While I know the list will continue to grow as I grow, I felt like I should share what I’ve learned so far. With an unapologetic 3000+ words, clearly, I’ve been learning a lot. Don’t be intimidated. Just read and digest what you can. If this is not for you, feel free to pass it by. I’m a believer in writing what I need to read so I’m guessing someone else out there needs to read this too. If not, that’s fine. It’s been good for me to log my recovery progress in this way.
A prayer for my unfaithful husband? I’m sure you’re wondering why I am praying for my husband who chose to betray our marriage covenant. Honestly, sometimes I wonder the same thing.
Infidelity in marriage is such a complex form of pain and trauma. Everyone’s story is different and deep no matter what the circumstances of the betrayal are. All stories of marital infidelity, at least the ones I’ve come across, come with a thick layer of anger that relentlessly bubbles to the top. While anger is a prominent feeling when we’re wounded, it is not the root feeling. Anger ignored, no matter the root, will turn to bitterness and bitterness steals our peace.
If you’ve ever been through a season when pain, loss, and grief seem to overtake your mind, body, and soul, you are probably like me and ultra-sensitive to certain questions. Anyone requesting anything of you can seem judgmental and/or condemning, and can also add to our already teetering juggling act. If you’ve been on the other side of the coin and you love someone who is hurting, your sincere desire to help could actually add to their pain. Sometimes, albeit with heartfelt intentions, we ask the wrong questions and sometimes we ask the right questions the wrong way.
During an online support group meeting I was attending, I had some issues bubble up that began to refuse the gag order they’ve been accustomed to for so long. I muted my microphone and turned off my video. I was crumbling fast. I listened in for the rest of the meeting which thankfully was only about 10 more minutes. Finger poised on the mouse to click the “leave group” button. To make it through, I practiced my labor breathing even though it’d been 19+ years since I’d used it for its intended purpose.
When the meeting was over and with the lightning-quick click of my mouse, I signed out and the dam broke. I cried out to God, the universe, my computer screen, anyone who could hear me. With fists clenched and years of stored up tears flowing, I repeatedly said, “I’M NOT SORRY. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT!”
This post originally published on TheCourage.com.
“Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide.”
(The Hurt and the Healer, MercyMe)
There is so much brokenness in our world today that is hard for our hearts to digest. Devastating storms, mass shootings, the sex-trafficking epidemic, sudden loss of loved ones, life-altering illnesses, marriage betrayal, prodigal children, … the list is long.