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Tag Archives: trauma healing

The Difference Between Expectations and Hope

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The Difference Between Expectations and Hope

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to an audio recording of this blog post here:

Disclaimer: I wrote this for a talk I presented to wives healing from marriage betrayal trauma. I am posting it as I gave it for us and others who are on this same journey. However, the crux of the message can apply to everyone who struggles with expectations and longs to find a better way.


Expectation:
a belief that someone will or should achieve something.
Hope: a desire for a certain thing to happen. A feeling of trust.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

I come by my ability to set high expectations naturally. It was the culture of my family and the church environment I grew up in. Now, whether they did that on purpose or not, I don’t know, I’m guessing they didn’t. But still, placing high expectations on myself and others is in my DNA. Hope, on the other hand, is not something I’m good at. But it is everything I’ve had to learn in order to survive these last few years.

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Pain Prompts a Process (and that’s a good thing!)

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Pain Prompts a Process (and that’s a good thing!)

 

 

 

 

 

Listen to an audio recording of this blog post here:

I’ve spent the bulk of my life doing my level best to avoid pain. I’m simply not a fan of it. The thought of experiencing physical or emotional pain flips my fight or flight switch on in a clock tick. Somehow along the way, I developed super-Spidey senses that alert me to incoming pain and I get busy to head it off at the pass.

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Will you choose well with me in 2020?

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Will you choose well with me in 2020?

Many years ago, I was visiting my grandmother in the home where she was being taken care of for advanced-stage Alzheimer’s. By this time, she was withdrawn, had zero short term memory, and didn’t know who anyone was. At one point of the visit, our mostly one-sided conversation lulled and to fill empty space, I said with a sigh, “Well?” In an extremely rare ‘sharp as a tack’ moment, she stoically and cleverly replied, “Deep hole in the ground.” My eyes widened, I chuckled, and wondered how in the world that bubbled to the top for her.

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How can I know my spouse loves me?

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How can I know my spouse loves me?

My husband and I have attended countless marriage conferences and retreats. We have participated in, led, and even preached a slew of marriage studies and sermons over the years. I am also well-versed in the 5 Love Languages and I do appreciate them for their practical application of showing love to one another. I tell you all of this not to boast but to explain that while those were all good things, they weren’t enough. But when the bottom dropped out of my 30-year marriage and everything was measured with distrust, my heart longed for a deeper understanding of how I might know my husband loves me. I was reaching for a handle that could help me distinguish between the expression of love and what love actually is.

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